Have you ever hated someone without any reason? Have you ever wondered that it might just be your envy? Don’t feel ashamed of admitting it. Jealousy or envy is just as normal as feeling all other emotions. I will get this straight: It may not be possible to forever get rid of it. But, whenever it starts taking over, you can consciously correct it.
My Personal Experience
There was a time when I used to be the best student in class. I used to be popular. I was not what most people would call ‘nerdy’. I was pretty social. I was friends with almost everyone. I had straight A’s and this continued for 4 years. I was really happy with everything I had. And then, 2016 happened. Or you can say that ‘high school happened’.
All of the sudden, I had to deal with new people, and all the drama that comes with high school. I had a constant pressure from everyone at home to keep my record and continue to top, considering that high school grades will decide which college I will go to. Previously, I used to study because (as geeky as that sounds) I like to learn. Now, I started to study because I wanted grades. All this pressure of getting good grades actually caused a drop in my grades. Once I was a top student and then, all of a sudden, I was on average. From 94% I landed on 69%. I was disappointed. And so was everyone else.
I was depressed. The major cause of my depression was not my failure. But, my envy. My envy for the girls who topped all the time. They took my place. There was one girl who took my social status and all of my friends because she was so ‘honest’. The other was the new smart because she worked really hard. And the third one was my best friend. Yes, I was envious of my best friend.
Everyone liked them better. I was nobody. This might be just regular high school drama for you but for me, it was so much more. I was disappointed, depressed and envious. So much envious that I started to hate the other two girls (not my best friend). At the same time I was scared of ruining my friendship with my best friend. I couldn’t help but feel envious whenever she shared her accomplishments. I gave her the reaction I was supposed to give. I showed her that I was overjoyed. But from the inside, I was anything but.
That’s when things changed. In my country, there is a trend of academies which are like after-school tuition by some other teachers. Academies have nothing to do with school. They are separate institutions. People who do not need any tuition still go to academies and take different tests there to have a look at where they stand. The academy I chose was the one where rarely people from my school go. I made new friends there. The environment was really positive and I had a lot of fun there. It raised my self-esteem and I was once again the top student. But, I still wasn’t too comfortable at school. I knew that my envy would not let me just be happy.
I was never envious before. I mean, I did feel jealous now and then but it didn’t last so long. It never made me hate a person. Therefore, when I started feeling this way, I was scared. I started to ignore what I was feeling. I was running away from it.
Finally, I had had enough. I decided to counter my feelings. I realized that feeling envious is as common as feeling any other emotion. You can never be envy-free for the rest of your life. That is the same as saying that I will never be sad again. Because sadness is a feeling you are bound to feel. Same is with envy. You will feel it. The only way to chase it away by consciously correcting it.
How to get rid of envy?
As I have written before, being jealous is as common as feeling any other emotion. Do NOT blame yourself for feeling this way. Here is how I corrected it, and you can too.
1. Acknowledge the way you feel.
Face your emotion. It is something that happens to all of us.
2. Ask yourself ‘why do I feel this way’?
Be honest when you answer that. Lying to yourself will get you nowhere. In my case, it was my own failure that made me envious of others’ success.
3. Once you know the reason of your envy, try working on your problem.
I started working hard and looked up what were the things that she was doing and I was not. I did not copy her. I just tried to figure out what I was neglecting. I taught myself that I am studying not to compete but only for knowledge and that did it for me. I chased away the envy. At least now, I am always happy for what she is achieving. Because academic achievements are not the reason I want to study.
4. Know that: NOBODY ELSE’S SUCCESS IS YOUR MATTER.
You see, some people are very competitive and without realizing, compete with everyone around them, their friends, siblings and cousins etc. You must realize that you are another person. You are different from them. Every individual is different from the other in one way or another. If she was getting all A’s and I was getting all B’s, it didn’t matter to me anymore. Because her success has nothing to do with me. I had my own ambitions and I had to work harder. If previously, I had a C and now a B, I was happy. I knew that if I work hard, I will get an A. And that was enough for me.
5. Try to look at the positive side of the person you don’t like because of your envy.
Try not to let the envy take over you completely. Remember that there is a positive side to everyone. Yes, we all have our flaws. However, before you start noticing others flaws and overlook their positive traits, realize that you have flaws too. How would you feel if people ignore your good traits and focus on your flaws only?
The other two girls that I hated for no reason, when I actually sat down with them and talked I found out they are great people and now we are friends.
What I have learnt:
I can not let one emotion overpower me and change my whole being.
WE RISE BY LIFTING OTHERS.
And that would be an end to what was perhaps the longer blog post ever. Thank you so much for reading. Give yourself a pat on the back for actually sitting through and reading this. 🙂